Alphasunking

    I wrote “Hard Shell” in 2013, not knowing how good I would be in 2014. I found a job at Fiesta, doing the worst possible job for me. Working as a cashier. It’s still funny to me how ironically stupid that job was for me. I was expected to work with people, talk to people and stand in one spot for hours. I could not believe it, I still can’t. I remember my first day just walking outside on my break and pacing back and forth trying to clear my mind, trying not to think about what I was doing. I remember sacking and having a little panic attack just noticing all the people around me.      It was horrible at the start

Its so weird to be able to talk to people but not be able to open up if not asked. It took me a while but I can talk to people now. The only thing is that I found out socializing takes more than that. In a group I pretty much keep to myself. Its so hard to open my mouth. I want to talk but its like I never find an opening and thats a lie. There are many openings but I either wait too long to talk or talk myself out of answering. The drive to speak up is not in me at all, from a 1 to 10 its a 1. Not even online will I feel like doing it. I know they're people out there that live like that but I don't wanna be one of them. Every time I feel l

I'm only writing this to use as a reference. I remember I was young when I assumed there was a God. My parents had nothing to do with it, I was actually rebelling at that time lol. Life just din't make sense to me, here on Earth we have the food chain that showed me everything had a purpose or a place in life. When I thought about the universe I saw the same to a leaser extent. It was just so off to me, to spark life for no reason other than to live. The God that I came to reason is there was not my christian God. This God was the head, the alpha & omega the constant & forever a cold God that din't care for its creation just made it to be.