Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Digital Art / Hobbyist Member Julio Serra III24/Male/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 19 Deviations 17 Comments 2,779 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Friends

:iconxxangel-artistxx: :iconsenshistock: :iconsubmicron: :iconticodrawing: :icondanluvisiart: :iconpeteamachree: :iconkerembeyit: :iconradojavor:

Watchers

:icongothintegra: :iconxxangel-artistxx: :iconmetalislandart:

Activity


Cracked Shell by Alphasunking
Cracked Shell
The thing that inspired me to make this can just be explain here alphasunking.deviantart.com/jo…
I have too many people to thank so I just wrote down why and if they read it, then they will know why. 
Loading...

    I wrote “Hard Shell” in 2013, not knowing how good I would be in 2014. I found a job at Fiesta, doing the worst possible job for me. Working as a cashier. It’s still funny to me how ironically stupid that job was for me. I was expected to work with people, talk to people and stand in one spot for hours. I could not believe it, I still can’t. I remember my first day just walking outside on my break and pacing back and forth trying to clear my mind, trying not to think about what I was doing. I remember sacking and having a little panic attack just noticing all the people around me.

    It was horrible at the start. I couldn’t wait to finish my shift. I was so overwhelmed by the people, customers and coworkers. Little by little I started to talk. Just little by little and I liked it. It was great, it’s not like I was good at it. It was just new. Little by little I started to feel more comfortable with the people around me. The customers where a different story but my coworkers where nice and I got lucky that I got to work with the people I did. To them it was just a job, to me it was so much more.

    So far the best year of my life has been 2014. It’s like I finally started to live again. It wasn’t all good, I’m not good at communication so that did come back and bite me more than a few times. It’s just that the good outweighed the bad. I did so mush in that year I learned so much, my friends that I had known for years saw a change in me. I finally started to open up, I felt free. Even my anxiety just disappeared after a while.

    Yet it wasn’t enough, I have cracked my shell not broken it and because of that I did fail. I want to keep going now. I might not have broken it but I’m better now than I use to be. I lost my workers permit this year and when I did I was so afraid. So many bad thing when thought my mind. Putting aside the money that I needed and losing my freedom. I was just so afraid to lose all that I had gained last year and I have lost some. I’m stuck at home more, not able to feed myself, losing my strength, losing weight  just trying to stay calm to not panic but my anger is slowly growing starting to eat at me.

    This is humiliating, but I’m not going to forget what I learned. I’m not going to lose myself again. I have memories, I can fall back on them. I will get my permit back but the thought of 3 months of this makes me sick but I have memories. Memories of the people I met and thing I did. What I felt and how I changed. I was so happy when I read “Hard Shell” because I saw all the progress I had made. Now I hope I pray that in a little while I can read this and be happy because of that again.   

deviantID

Alphasunking's Profile Picture
Alphasunking
Julio Serra III
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
United States
Born in Lima, Peru but raised in Houston, TX

Plant trees everywhere I think they wont be cut down

Really commit to jokes for the lolz

Kill a LOT of time on omgpop www.omgpop.com/#/profile/Alpha…

Competition is always wanted

Mission in life is to beat anxiety and help as many people I can beat it
Interests

Journal History

    I wrote “Hard Shell” in 2013, not knowing how good I would be in 2014. I found a job at Fiesta, doing the worst possible job for me. Working as a cashier. It’s still funny to me how ironically stupid that job was for me. I was expected to work with people, talk to people and stand in one spot for hours. I could not believe it, I still can’t. I remember my first day just walking outside on my break and pacing back and forth trying to clear my mind, trying not to think about what I was doing. I remember sacking and having a little panic attack just noticing all the people around me.

    It was horrible at the start. I couldn’t wait to finish my shift. I was so overwhelmed by the people, customers and coworkers. Little by little I started to talk. Just little by little and I liked it. It was great, it’s not like I was good at it. It was just new. Little by little I started to feel more comfortable with the people around me. The customers where a different story but my coworkers where nice and I got lucky that I got to work with the people I did. To them it was just a job, to me it was so much more.

    So far the best year of my life has been 2014. It’s like I finally started to live again. It wasn’t all good, I’m not good at communication so that did come back and bite me more than a few times. It’s just that the good outweighed the bad. I did so mush in that year I learned so much, my friends that I had known for years saw a change in me. I finally started to open up, I felt free. Even my anxiety just disappeared after a while.

    Yet it wasn’t enough, I have cracked my shell not broken it and because of that I did fail. I want to keep going now. I might not have broken it but I’m better now than I use to be. I lost my workers permit this year and when I did I was so afraid. So many bad thing when thought my mind. Putting aside the money that I needed and losing my freedom. I was just so afraid to lose all that I had gained last year and I have lost some. I’m stuck at home more, not able to feed myself, losing my strength, losing weight  just trying to stay calm to not panic but my anger is slowly growing starting to eat at me.

    This is humiliating, but I’m not going to forget what I learned. I’m not going to lose myself again. I have memories, I can fall back on them. I will get my permit back but the thought of 3 months of this makes me sick but I have memories. Memories of the people I met and thing I did. What I felt and how I changed. I was so happy when I read “Hard Shell” because I saw all the progress I had made. Now I hope I pray that in a little while I can read this and be happy because of that again.   

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Comments


:iconmarivel87:
Marivel87 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for the fave! :D
Reply
:iconericr33914:
ericr33914 Featured By Owner May 10, 2012
thanks for the fav!
Reply
:iconveinsofmercury:
veinsofmercury Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012
I appreciate your support! :halfliquid::bucktooth::halfliquid:
Reply
Add a Comment: